In life you often need to get on with people for one reason or another. In business you have potential customers who you’re trying to sell your products or services to or customers who have a query or complaint to make. Sometimes it’ll be a supplier that you need to have a close relationship with, or a colleague you have to work with every day. In your personal life it’s friends, family and casual acquaintances as well as those people you meet at networking events, parties and people who are providing you with goods and/or services. Life generally works best when you can get on with people.
If you want to get on with people it’s mostly a matter of treating them with respect and kindness and being open to the possibility that they think differently to you without finding that threatening. That said, some people do make it incredibly difficult and others may just not resonate with us. Whether you like someone on first meeting, flat out dislike them, or are indifferent to them, it’s still possible to get on with them if you have the need or desire to.
Empathy
Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Even if you don’t understand someone’s point of view, it’s helpful to remember that it’s a result of their experiences. So don’t worry too much that someone else is seeing something differently, you don’t have to agree just allow others to have their own ideas and make up their own minds. It’s also a good idea to keep in mind that your reactions come from your experiences so don’t project your past issues onto someone who is talking to you.
Interest
Be interested in other people and be interesting yourself. While it’s possible to feign interest in others, it’s far better if you can cultivate an attitude of wanting to learn about others. If you’re genuinely interested in someone’s background, ideas and goals it shows and makes you all the more sought after as a conversationalist. Learning about others also helps you to become more interesting, as does reading and exposing yourself to ideas and experiences. It all helps make you a well-rounded person who can carry on a conversation with pretty much anyone.
Listen
I’m a big fan of the “two ears & one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak” adage. When people are talking to you, listen to what they’re saying. Don’t be framing your response as they talk, don’t be scanning the room to see what else is going on. Just listen to what they’re saying and pay attention to how they’re saying it. Their body language and tone will you just as much as their words do. If you’re doing listening well, you will also be able to practice active listening, which is a way of demonstrating you’ve understood what someone is saying by rephrasing it back to them, and to mirror body language which can help develop a feeling of being together in the conversation not opponents.
Approachable
It’s important to be approachable. Smile, make eye contact and try to be happy about being there whether you’re at a networking event, a party or at work. Making others feel welcome to approach you makes it easier to get conversations started and can make customers with a problem feel more welcome and less confrontational.
Mindset
Try to approach situations with a positive mindset. How can I help? What can I do to make this situation better? How can I learn from this? What interesting people can I meet at the event? The more positive your mindset is, the more you’ll enjoy the situation and the more approachable you’ll appear. If you go into something with a negative mindset with a bored, nervous or unhappy expression on your face, you’ll just make people give you a wide berth and all your misgivings will occur.
Manners
Be polite. It doesn’t mean you can’t express an opinion and it doesn’t mean you can’t be honest it just means that you take other people’s feelings into consideration. Sometimes it seems to me that it’s “in” to claim rudeness is a sign of honesty. That’s rubbish. There’s nearly always a way to say something that’s not mean or to have a disagreement with someone without being rude. You’ll likely also find that displaying good manners will make you memorable in the eyes of the people you meet.
One thing I do want to note is that to my mind at least, being able to get on with people does not necessarily mean being best friends. In fact, it’s possible (and often most valuable) to get along with people that you don’t actually like. Conflicting personalities occur and while you may not enjoy it, but being able to work together anyway can make a huge difference particularly when it comes to colleagues or suppliers. My suggestion is to only work with clients that you enjoy working with, but depending on your industry that may not be possible. In retail for example, you will frequently have to deal with all sorts, but it won’t matter as much because the interactions will be relatively short lived.
It’s also important to remember that other people’s reactions are their problem not yours. So if someone is angry, defensive, aggressive or dismissive don’t take the reaction to heart. It not only makes it easier to keep your cool, but makes for a more productive interaction.
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